An Open Letter to Whoever Stole Clay’s Board
Dear Sir or Madam…
You are a huge piece of shit. I can only hope that on your way to the pawn shop, you get abducted and power raped by a gang of grizzly bears and have to walk 15 miles back to safety after they’ve had their way with you. I wouldn’t piss on you if you burst into flames right in front of my face. If your first-born child ran out in front of my car, I’d run them over, back up, run over them again and then send you the bill from the body shop after I got my bumper fixed. Eat shit and die.
In case you haven’t caught on yet, someone stole Clay’s board, vest and rope. Keep your eyes out for a 2009 Slingshot Response 142 with D3 bindings and a black Aussie Island sticker on it. These assclowns also got his vest, a medium Oneill Revenge, and his rope, a white Accurate A-Line with a Proline Synthesis handle. If you see these guys, kick them in the balls. If it was a chick, you can just punch her really hard in the face. Trust us, it’s cool in this situation.