An Open Letter to Whoever Stole Clay’s Board

Clay's Board

Dear Sir or Madam…

You are a huge piece of shit. I can only hope that on your way to the pawn shop, you get abducted and power raped by a gang of grizzly bears and have to walk 15 miles back to safety after they’ve had their way with you. I wouldn’t piss on you if you burst into flames right in front of my face. If your first-born child ran out in front of my car, I’d run them over, back up, run over them again and then send you the bill from the body shop after I got my bumper fixed. Eat shit and die.


In case you haven’t caught on yet, someone stole Clay’s board, vest and rope. Keep your eyes out for a 2009 Slingshot Response 142 with D3 bindings and a black Aussie Island sticker on it. These assclowns also got his vest, a medium Oneill Revenge, and his rope, a white Accurate A-Line with a Proline Synthesis handle. If you see these guys, kick them in the balls. If it was a chick, you can just punch her really hard in the face. Trust us, it’s cool in this situation.


One Response to “An Open Letter to Whoever Stole Clay’s Board”

  1. Thanks Brad.

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